Originally written - December 24, 2006
I am sitting in Border's Books right now, sitting in the cafe section which conveniently overlooks the rest of the store. I have a front row; actually we'll call it a front row balcony seat. In all seriousness I feel like I am in a sky-box, considering the glorious leather chair that is caressing my bottom, the glass wall in front of me, and my food/coffee. (side note: I have been in two skyboxes before. both at the Hartford Civic. The first was a Disney Ice-Capades sort of deal, and the second was a UCONN Huskies game vs. Yale. Both were brilliant experiences.) There are currently no less than 60 people in this Border's, all frantically looking for that last minute for that person who its just impossible to shop for! Why are certain people such a pain to get gifts for? Is it because you don't know them well enough, or just because they don't seem to have any interests besides watching TV? This makes me think . . . . what are the different genres of people in reference to the Holiday season? Could we classify people into different groups based on their approach to Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza?? I believe myself to be equal to this task here goes
Type #1 - The above-mentioned impossible person to shop for . . .(there are multiple sub-groups for this one)
Everyone has that person: either they're that type of son of a bitch that tells you not to get them anything (is there really anything worse than that?) or that they don't "need" anything this year. Obviously you fucking don't "need" anything, and let's be serious, that's never been the point of Christmas, at least not in the modern, or postmodern (hahaha, postmodern . . . just throwin' in the buzzword), sense. If you have a roof over your head and have eaten something in the last 36 hours, you obviously don't "need" anything, just tell me what you want and make it easy for me. But let's go back to that first person, the one who tells you not to get them anything, and simply refuses to give you any hints or clues as to what you should get them. Don't they understand that all they're doing is putting you through agony?? Usually this person is a family member, or someone else who you HAVE to get something for. They don't realize that by not giving you any ideas that they are, in fact, making your Christmas shopping experience, which usually sucks anyway, much much worse. Maybe they do want you to get them what you want to get them without their influence, but c'mon, at least give me an idea. Otherwise you're going to get something that I would want, and which will probably mean nothing for you. This is a shitty feeling. You buy something that means a lot to you for this person expecting that it will carry the same weight for them as it does for you, only to be disappointed in your realization that it doesn't. Maybe this is a book that they never read or little trinket/picture/vase/sculpture that doesn't quite cut it when they are decorating their home. Either way, nobody likes their gift going unappreciated, or unused, yet this happens every year with over 50% of gifts (no real basis for this stat, pure speculation). What these people need to learn is how to be considerate receivers: tell the people you love what you'd like for Christmas, or at least give them some parameters. Otherwise you end up putting added stress on them to find you something that you probably WON'T like. They in turn are disappointed b/c they got you something that they like way more than you do. In short . . . don't be this person. Do your family a favor and don't be the impossible to shop for person.
Type #2 - the person who shops for Christmas gifts in July
First of all, this person is usually completely psychotic, but also totally amazing. They are usually incredibly thoughtful and giving people. Unlike you and me, they are constantly thinking of ways to make other people happy, which extends to extremely thoughtful gifts. Sometimes I get the feeling when I'm in a store that "hey, so and so would really like this". Unfortunately I am too much of an asshole to actually get this item for them, and instead wait until late December to even begin thinking about gifts. I have an aunt who does this (and so do you probably), and she is totally kick-ass. It really blows my mind that she is even capable of Christmas shopping in the summer, but I think it has more to do with her spirit of giving, than it does with "Christmas shopping". Where as I think, "hey I think my bro would really like this mug . . . too bad I am not getting it for him", she goes through with the purchase, and then places it in her special gift area which you and I are too unorganized to have. Let me just say one more thing before we move on . . . most people have no hope of being this person. I have long given up any hope of emulating my aunt in this respect. Probably b/c I am too selfish. If I ever did get someone a gift out of season, I would probably need to give it to them right away, to validate my purchase and myself.
Type #3 - the person/family who actually makes their own gifts
These families/people are usually a bit quirky, perhaps bordering on wacky. They usually belong to a family that doesn't have cable, and who spend downtime reading or playing games or something actually constructive. They are also normally very creative people, no doubt stemming from the above mentioned activates. Where as I spent my leisure time watching something dreadful on the tube, or playing Madden against my friends, they made arts and crafts or actually played outside, and used their imagination . . . what a concept huh?!?! These people write a poem, make some sort of photo album or calendar, or knit their loved ones something. Its sort of funny that right now I can't even think of what else these people do, probably b/c I am not one of them. This Christmas however I am flirting with the line more than ever before, but I think that this is b/c I don't have the means to actually "buy" gifts. There are pros and cons to being a "make your own gift" person. The pros are obvious: Nothing says I love you more than . . . well I guess saying it really says it . . . but after that, nothing says I love you like something from the heart, mind and hands. By making someone something you are showing them that you care enough to spend your time constructing something for them, something that you thought long and hard about. The end product ends up not being as important or valuable as the thought/feeling/time spent on it. Unless you are REALLY artistic, or abnormally creative. The cons are as obvious as the pros . . . I think. There's a chance that the person you made something for simply won't appreciate it . . . maybe b/c these people are heartless bastards who don't deserve gifts of any kind, or because they really wanted something else. (I actually heard from my brother that one of the top reasons for break-ups among couples are "made gifts". The giver feels slighted if the receiver doesn't show the proper appreciation, and can in turn lead to resentment.) There is also the possibility that you are not as creative as you think and that no matter how long it took you to make this thing or how much of yourself you poured into it that the end product will suck. This is a bummer, but as long as the person you made the gift for isn't the heartless bastard mentioned above, you should be ok. I think that one should avoid making gifts for children, unless it is actually really cool. Kids under a certain age won't really appreciate your effort because they will want toys. This doesn't make them heartless bastards, just normal kids. But chances are at some point in the future they WILL realize the specialness, and give you a hug. Bottom line: people who make their own gifts are usually good, thoughtful, caring people, and the world would be a much better place if more people subscribed to this form of gift-giving . . . at least I think. (it could be that I think this as a validation for the gifts I'll be making for my loved ones, in which case I am an asshole)
Type #4 - . . . . .
My creative juices have been tapped on this subject . . . maybe I'll think of more. Until then
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